so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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