i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
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