This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
