I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You did what with his pubic hair?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
