so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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