I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I want a musical about memes.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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