so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
