I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
