whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
