Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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