OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
