Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
