We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
