I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
