I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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