I am spending my child support on dildos
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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