I bet he comes in French.
well you can't waste a boner
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
