I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
