When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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