I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
