just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
