You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
