I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
