i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
