my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
