I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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