Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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