never play flip cup with pint glasses
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
