he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
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Be still, my beating vagina.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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