I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
