I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
