in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
