I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
