you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
