Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
