its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
