She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
