p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
