we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
