Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
