Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I would fuck him just for his dog
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm bleeding and have questions
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