and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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