Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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