I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
