I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize