I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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