Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
