can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
