He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
