I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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