i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
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