what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
