I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
