She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
