I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
