Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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