so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
