i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
