Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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