4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
