i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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