we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
