I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I touched a dick in church today
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
