I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
where are my eyebrows?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
