im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
