Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize