Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
