He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
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Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
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I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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