Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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