Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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