the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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