i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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